Rejected Diablo Classes and Worst Roleplaying Professions:

            I apologize for the lack of recent updates but my internet has been down. Anyhow, I will have more pictures of my epic army battles with my father, and I will have some more posts—but today I would like to concentrate on some classes/professions that just don’t make the cut for diablo, and really—no one likes to play for roleplaying (for the most part). So without further ado, here is the list.

Farmer: “Don’t complain about these guys with your mouth full, farming is not a crime, etc.” Well in fantasy universe you do complain about farmers as most of the time the trolls have their mouth full with your farmer character—and the only crime here is that farmer’s just outright suck. Sure they are good for helping grow crops and help the party with food supply, but this often doesn’t compensate for their shortcomings.

Dervish: A Dervish is a magical dancer that can use magical or combative dances to bewilder or defeat their opponents. A Dervish can also use her/his spells to transfer themselves from one area to the next. The problem with these elegant dancers is that it often takes time or their spells are really dull, which adds to the problem of wanting to actually play this profession.

Houri: Funny to have in a party but not practical. Houri is as exactly like it sounds and is a prostitute. Now we can all see why this was rejected by Diablo creators right? I mean, kisses and having sex with demons just don’t really add to the epic gameplay—it does add for entertaining and funny encounters however. Houri’s specialize in great subterfuge skills and their spells are almost like that of a succubus—often killing or maiming their opponents in bed through magical kisses or magical…other things. Beside all of this, Houris can switch their sex at will and appear more beautiful for the same sex. Perhaps in our world they would receive an ESPY award, but for the fantasy world they are regarded as a humorous and satirical profession.

Scholar: Ever wanted to take your teacher and transport them to fantasy world? Well that is what this profession is—a very boring character that knows a lot of things—but can’t do anything if the party runs into trouble, I mean, at least the Farmer has some melee qualities to where the Scholar doesn’t have anything—not even magic. This profession was loosely used on Blizzards Diablo 3 trailer—known in that trailer as the Archivist. The Scholar is good for reading and writings of ancient text but are usually killed very easily, for this reason, they are often rejected.

Montebanc: Sort of a swindler, you know that guy you see on the street with the cards stating that “Oh my gosh this woman is taking all my money,” but then you play the game and end up losing it all—yes well that is the Montebanc, except they use magic to help their chances—the reason why this profession is lacking is usually they get a battleax thrust into their neck as soon as the NPC realizes they’ve been swindled. Another issue that occurs is a Theif or Rogue will realize what the Montebanc is up to, and steal all of their money, even though the Montebanc is winning.

Illusionist: A magical character that did have some potential, but once an individual sees through the illusion, the illusionist is usually screwed. Much more fun and interesting than any of the other professions listed, the illusionist is good for about one adventure, just to try—otherwise they become an impediment more than anything else to the group’s success.

Seer: Now this one can be fun or bad—based on my experiences with a Gamemaster, it is usually bad, like somehow a magical bolt of electricity flies out from a clear blue sky and strikes the Seer, searing him to the bone—explanation: “The Gods were just feeling rowdy that day.” Translation: “I hate your Seer character.” For the GM we can see why they hate fortune tellers so much. “Okay what am I going to encounter two days from now?” How is the GM supposed to determine that if they don’t even know? Often times it is questions like these that lead the GM to foresee a rock falling on the Seer, a strange mystical disease eating their brains away, or some other BS attack that totally destroys the Seer and removes them from the game. For these reasons, Seer is often times cast aside due to the amount of work they place on the GM.

So that completes my list for today. Hope you all learned about some new professions. I have actually been with a group that has actually thought about or have had some of these professions implemented into a game. I guess fantasy is not so far off from reality…but I think the funniest game we played was when the farmer decided to “hook up” with a Houri (cheating on his fantasy wife), and the Houri dissolved his manhood. The player had to roll some dice and failed his resistance roll—his heart also exploded from the painful surge of power from the Houri. The Houri then took everything he had and moved on. I would say that was probably one of the funniest ways to watch my fellow gamer die.

Thanks for the readings and I will have more pictures up soon. Thanks.

--Gene